追忆容颜.今生来世的牵挂

原创首发 作者：郑平

时间我想把你挽留，却被你无情的拒绝，经常感觉到您的存在，不曾离去，满满的温馨与关怀，您那慈祥的笑容，时刻浮现在我的眼前

时常在梦里 感觉就像在老家，母子相依为命，给我做着好吃的，（每餐八个菜一个火锅）静静的看着我吃，您开心的笑着帮我往碗里夹着菜说着开心的话语，饭后 茶、水果准备好，并说着，别人帮我收拾家务 厨房啥的 自己就摸不着头脑了（心疼我 不让我帮忙）。

晚上 您跟我铺好床 备好灭蚊神器，找好换洗的衣服 拖鞋 倒好开水（怕夜里我口渴）夜里总要起来几次帮我盖好被子，是那么的细致，那么的关爱，您把所有的爱都给了我，我却常常出门在外，把您一人留在家里，只有孤独和期盼独自苦撑着却不知您坚强的意志和坚定的信念没能战胜病魔，被无情的夺去了生命，顿觉大地破裂 日月颠倒 老天不公 这么一个心地善良 从困苦中走出来的人 怎忍心不挽留

看到别人 家人团聚 出行亲人同在……

不由自主的回忆起 我跟您相依为命 快乐温馨的度过的那些日子，最长的相处就是2020疫情爆发，咋们天天吃着好吃的，变着法子给我做大餐，边看着电视 边猜测剧中的结局，那些画面历历在目，想着想着，不禁凄然泪下，妈 我想你了……

想到您那么坚强，为了我努力求生，生怕丢下我 以后一个人没人照顾

病床上，专心的疼痛 您吭都不吭一声，手指紧紧抓住床单，直到床单撕裂，我紧紧拽住您的手，心疼不已……

我问医生，医生说 没有见过如此坚强 忍得住的病人，连男人都无法忍受，她里面如万箭穿心，有时像满身的虫子在里面撕咬……却从来没有听到她叫喊过……

这哪里还是刚进院的您呢，一头的白发掉的所剩无几，苍白脸上和瘦弱的身躯，特别是满手臂的针眼，乌黑一片

很难想象与您平时灿烂的笑容，精神矍铄的矫健相比,心再度紧张起来

您的坚强和善良，我会永远铭记于心。

您每次都很乐观地接受每一次治疗，检查，担心住院治疗花不少钱，一个尽儿说拖累了我，很是抱愧，在我做好准备同您一起跟病魔抗争到底的斗争，为了您有足够的治疗时间和费用，和您协商我出去找钱 给您安排护工，看到您有一万个不舍，但是还是勉强的答应着，直到交待出门在外 注意事项，我內心好痛 真的好痛，妈 我真的对不起你 不该这个时候出去，把你丢在医院里，应该陪您到最后，我后悔，我对不起您 我真的感觉很不孝，请您原谅我……

最后直到您的离去，我都没能赶上……

恨不得把自己大卸八块……

您清晨驾鹤西去，下午就……

这一天，人心痛彻，大地悲哀，时间停止 

（2021.1.11～6.30）

最后离去的几秒视频 不忍看 不敢看，太可怜 太痛心……

无情病魔就这样无情的夺走了您的生命，我的心 痛彻肺腑,令人窒息。

不敢相信 这是事实 

不敢相信 就发生在我跟之间

痛过之后，沉默了，泪不由自主的落下，我紧咬嘴唇，强把呜咽声压下去，眼前一片迷茫，悲痛如利剑般扎入心脏……

这不时间飞快

又到了一年的细雨纷飞，

又到了一年的清明时节，

您离开我到今天93天，每天的思念，每天的心痛，都仿似在昨天，仿似您就在我身边，时刻保护着我，时刻提醒着我 如何做人做事，请您放心，我现在改了很多，也低调了很多，到是您在那边不在有苦难 不在有病痛，享受天国的恩泽

好一个四月，好一个清明，

以前都是您带着我们祭奠亲人，却不知如今变成了我 一个人在异乡默默的缅怀着您

太心痛 太无法承受 

愿一切随您所愿 安好！

是老天在惋惜，还是老天在替我哭泣，

细雨绵绵，凉风拂面，

春雨梨花泪满尽，花落雨碎断人肠！

一个特殊深沉的日子，

一个忆逝亲人的日子，

一个让人怀念欲断魂的日子，

一个让人不敢接受事实的日子。

但愿如人们所说，天国里忧伤，没有苦难，没有病魔，

只有欢歌笑语，幸福河 快乐天地

当过了奈河桥，喝了孟婆汤后，您是否忘却人间的亲人，

您在天国的路上，是否有亲人接引，是否在天堂里与亲人们重逢，

您是否也在一起谈论着想念的亲人，

但愿 我的亲人都在那里幸福的生活着，

因为那里 只有好人才能到达的地方。

愿我的亲人在天国一切安好，我时时刻刻都在想念您和哥哥

心里的痛，

永远无法自愈，

永远铭记着那份不舍，

永远铭记着那份牵挂 那份爱！

此时此景，我真希望，但愿人走后的灵魂永在，希望我妈能收到我对她的万千思念和不舍……

希望您能听到 我对她的诉说，妈 我想您和海哥了……

今生做您的儿子没有做够，来世您还做我的母亲……我还做您的儿子……

就让我 来世再来弥补我尘世未尽的孝道……

【妈】我想你了！

您长眠 我常念！

英文直译

English literal translation

Original first author: Zheng Ping recalls his face. The concern of this life and the afterlife

Original author: Zheng Ping

Time I want to keep you, but you ruthlessly refused,

Often feel your presence, never leave, full of warmth and care, your kind smile, always appear in front of me

Often in my dream, I feel like I'm in my hometown. Mother and son depend on each other and make delicious food for me. (eight dishes for each meal, one hot pot) quietly watch me eat. You smile and help me to put the dishes in the bowl, and say happy words. After dinner, the tea and fruit are ready, and you say that others help me to clean up the housework and kitchen. You can't help yourself

In the evening, you make a bed with me, prepare a mosquito killer, find a change of clothes and slippers, pour boiling water (I'm afraid I'm thirsty at night). At night, you always have to get up several times to help me cover the quilt. It's so meticulous and caring. You give me all your love, but I often go out and leave you at home alone, only lonely and looking forward to struggling alone

But I don't know that your strong will and firm belief failed to overcome the disease, and you were mercilessly killed. Suddenly, the earth broke, the sun and the moon turned upside down, and the heaven was unfair. How could such a kind-hearted person who came out of the hardship not have the heart to stay

Seeing other people's families get together and travel with their relatives

I can't help but recall the happy and warm days I spent with you. The longest time I got along with you was the outbreak of the 2020 epidemic. We ate delicious food every day and made a big meal for me. While watching TV, we guessed the ending of the play. Those pictures were vividly in my mind. I couldn't help crying. Mom, I miss you

Think of you so strong, for me to survive, for fear of leaving me alone after no one to take care of

On the hospital bed, you don't even say a word about the pain of concentration. Your fingers hold the sheet tightly until it tears. I hold your hand tightly and feel heartbroken

I asked the doctor. The doctor said that he had never seen a patient so strong that he could bear it. Even a man could not bear it. She was like a thousand arrows piercing the heart. Sometimes she was like a full body of insects biting inside... But he never heard her cry

Where is this still you who just entered the hospital? There are few white hair left. Your pale face and thin body, especially the eyes of the needle full of arms, are black

It's hard to imagine that compared with your usual bright smile and vigorous spirit, your heart will be tense again

I will always remember your strength and kindness

Every time you are optimistic about receiving every treatment, examination, and worry that hospitalization will cost a lot of money. I am very sorry to say that it has dragged me down. When I am ready to fight with you to the end, in order to have enough treatment time and cost, I will negotiate with you. I will go out and find money to arrange nursing workers for you, and I will see that you have ten thousand, But I still reluctantly agreed, until I told you what I should pay attention to when I go out. My heart is very painful, really painful. Mom, I'm really sorry that you shouldn't go out at this time and leave you in the hospital. I should accompany you to the end. I regret that I'm sorry for you. I really feel very unfilial. Please forgive me

Finally, I didn't catch up with you until you left

I want to break myself up

You drive west in the morning, and in the afternoon

On this day, people's hearts are deeply hurt, the earth is sad, and time stops

（2021.1.11～6.30）

I can't bear to watch the last few seconds of the video. It's too sad

Heartless disease so heartless took your life, my heartache, suffocating.

I can't believe it's true

I can't believe it happened between me and you

After the pain, silence, tears can not help falling, I clench my lips, forced to sob down, in front of a confused, grief like a sword into the heart

It's not fast

Another year of drizzle,

It's the Qingming Festival of the year again,

You left me today 93 days, every day's missing, every day's heartache, are like yesterday, like you are at my side, always protecting me, always remind me how to do things, please rest assured, I now changed a lot, but also a lot of low-key, to you there is no suffering, no pain, enjoy the grace of heaven

Good April, good Qingming,

You used to take us to pay homage to our relatives, but I don't know that now I am alone in a foreign land silently remembering you

Too heartache, too unbearable

May everything be all right with you!

Is God sorry, or is God crying for me,

Drizzle, cool breeze,

Spring pear full of tears, flower rain broken heart!

A special and deep day,

A day of remembering a loved one,

It's a day people miss when they want to die,

A day when people dare not accept the truth.

I hope, as they say, there is no sorrow, no suffering, no disease in the kingdom of heaven,

Only singing and laughing, happy river, happy world

After crossing the Naihe bridge and drinking Mengpo soup, do you forget your relatives in the world,

Do you have relatives on your way to heaven, and do you meet them again in heaven,

Are you also talking about your missing relatives,

I hope my relatives live happily there,

Because it's a place that only good people can get to.

I wish all my relatives well in heaven. I miss you and my brother all the time

The pain in my heart,

It's never going to heal itself,

Always remember the share of reluctant,

Always remember that care that love!

At this time, I really hope that my soul will be forever after I leave. I hope that my mother will receive my thousands of thoughts and heartaches for her

I hope you can hear me tell her, mom, I miss you and Haige

I haven't done enough to be your son in this life. You will still be my mother in the next life... I will still be your son

Let me make up for my endless filial piety in the afterlife

I miss you!

I often read you when you sleep!